Dear Mr. Kim Jong-Un,
Oh wait, that’s not right.
Dear Mr. President Jong-Un,
Or is it Prime Minister? No, no, that’s not right.
Dear General Jong-Un,
Hmmm, that doesn’t sound right either,
Dear Great Leader,
No, I think that was your grandpa.
Okay, this is getting ridiculous!
On behalf of my little blog here at Life As I Understand It, I’d like to thank you for reading. How do I know that you are reading? Well, I have had multiple hits on recent blog posts from The Republic of North Korea, and considering that no one in your country is allowed to have Internet access, or any access for that matter, to the outside world, I assume that somehow, you are enjoying us Westerners as much as we enjoy us Westerners, and by the grace of God, you found my blog enjoyable, although slightly cheeky, and you have started to follow. Thank you.
Since I seem to have your attention, I’d like to say a few things on behalf of the United States of America. Please understand, I know you would be furious if one of your citizens spoke on your country’s behalf, but her in the good ole U.S. of A., we are allowed and welcomed to say what we think; we have freedom, which is actually one of our inalienable rights. So anyways, I think a bunch of us over here are thinking you are out of your damn mind if you decide to actually attack the United States as you have done so successfully in the propaganda films you are showing your
captive citizens. It would not end well, you know, for you guys. This is not a threat by any means, I am more of a pacifist myself, as are many of the people I know. To borrow from a 1960s Vietnam-era mantra, “Make love, not war.” Peaceful, open communication really would be better for all of us, and I hope that you consider opening up some communication with the rest of the world, and check the tough, little-man image at the door.
Secondly, I don’t know if you have figured this out yet, but Dennis Rodman is kind of a freakazoid. I have seen the pictures of you guys hugging it out, and although not shocked, I am a little bewildered. Have you Googled him? He likes to wear women’s clothes and make-up. He likes to do anything and everything that is considered outlandish. Do you know he actually married himself? I don’t know how that is possible, but he did it. You can’t marry someone of the same-sex in most of America, but apparently it is okay to marry oneself. Who knew?
By my estimations, you are a pretty conservative fella, I don’t know if you want your repetition soiled by hanging around with such a volatile wild-child. Nonetheless, he does speak very highly of you. He told Donald Trump on the Celebrity Apprentice finale that he thought you were a “cool guy.” Wait, you probably knew that. Don’t even try to pretend you don’t watch Celebrity Apprentice. If you have the ability to Google this little blog, I know you would watch your “friend” on Apprentice. Maybe seeing how he looked on the finale opened your eyes a little bit to how peculiar he really is. I really think you should think twice about being his friend. I am including a photo for you to maul over.
Lastly, I just want to say most of the world is saddened that the citizens of your country struggle the way they do. By now you know I am a high school English teacher, and much of the way you run your country is very reminiscent of Brave New World and 1984. You do know those books are considered dystopian literature, right? Those worlds are not the ideal; on the contrary, they are fictional models of what not to do. Maybe you could read some other Western works that our more upbeat and uplifting. The United State Constitution is a pretty decent work. Too pushy? Too, you-should-be-like-us? I get it. You don’t want to be us. Well, what about Walden by Henry David Thoreau? It is also non-fiction but it has a really good message about living life with purpose. I really think you would like it, and maybe it would help you see that keeping up with the Joneses is not all that it is cracked up to be, and you and the citizens of North Korea would probably be happier if you came out of your lives of quiet desperation. After you finish Walden read The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein. It’s not really a life changer, but it’s one of my favorite books, and I think you might enjoy it.
Okay, well, thanks again for reading. I hope that you continue to enjoy, and I hope you take to heart what I have said. I tell my students often, “Make a friend, be a friend.” I think it’s important to be kind and show love.