I remember feeling elated when I turned eighteen. I was an adult. I was given a voice. I was finally old enough to cast my ballot in the voting booth. I was old enough to buy a lottery ticket, old enough to buy cigarettes, old enough to be tried as a legal adult if I ever committed a crime, and old enough to be selected for jury duty.
I used my voice. I voted in the 1988 primary and the presidential election. I bought a few losing lottery tickets and quickly got bored with it. I did not smoke, so I had no use for cigarettes. I was raised with a high sense of right and wrong so I did not have to worry about being tried like a felon. (I have such guilt at doing wrong that yesterday, I returned something to PetSmart and the sales associate returned the item at the retail price, but I bought it on sale. I could have made a few bucks off of a corporate conglomerate that helped put all of the mom and pop pet stores out of business, but no, I could not do it. I informed the sales girl that she was trying to give me too much money back.) And who ever gets selected for jury duty?
For 25 years, I have lived in these parameters. For 25 years, I have been a model United States citizen. But then yesterday, I received a jury summons, and all that good living seemed like a waste! Right smack dab in the middle of summer, I do not want to perform my civic duty. I do not want to be a model citizen. I do not want jury duty! Immediately, when I received the summons, I tried to figure how to get out of it.
- You may be excused if you have served within the past two years. Nope.
- You may be excused for health reasons. Does hypochondriac syndrome count?
- You are disqualified if you have been convicted of a felony. Damn moral compass– goody, goody two shoes does not always pay off!
- You are disqualified if you have moved from Cuyahoga County. Nope.
- You can be excused if you are over the age of 75. Does anyone know where I can get a fake ID?
I even tried to Google how to get out of jury duty, but that really didn’t offer me any viable suggestions either.
If I ignore it, I could be arrested. Of course, if I am arrested, that might get me out of further jury summons, but at 43, do I really want to start down the path of becoming a criminal? I can postpone up to ninety days, but that doesn’t really make sense either because that will be the first month of school. I am stuck–stuck getting downtown by 8AM for five straight days starting July 8.
Who knows? Maybe it will give me some good fodder for my blog. God knows, I love to people watch, and I have to imagine that the pool of jurors will definitely be a motley crew.