The end of a year always seems to bring such elation and excitement to people. Out with the old, in with the new. The expectation of living better always seems to galvanize people. They gather with friends, put on party hats, pour champagne and eagerly wait for the ball to drop. Ten. Nine. Eight…. Happy New Year! They scream and shout and clank glasses and deep in their hearts they think, “This is going to be my year! This year is going to be different!”
However, as much fun as celebrations are, I find New Year’s Eve to be anticlimactic. I have always found all ceremony to be anticlimactic. It’s like graduations. You walk across the stage, receive a diploma, and then… nothing. You are still the same person you were before the cap and gown and pomp and circumstance. Just like a graduation that is supposed to launch you into a new life, midnight of New Year’s Eve offers the same challenge. Nothing intrinsically changes. The stimulation of the event wears off. No fairy sprinkles magic fairy dust. No pumpkins turn into coaches. No physical trainer appears. No new opportunity arises. Life is exactly the same at 12:01 AM as it was at 11:59 PM. Personally, I am not lighter in mood, in emotion, or in pounds.
This year, the New Year even seems more daunting because I actually accomplished something (well, almost). I have written every day for the last 360 days, and with six more posts, I will have accomplished a post every single day. I did not know how I would feel when I got here, probably because I don’t know if I ever thought I would. I have almost arrived, and instead of feeling excited, I feel a little depressed. I accomplished a goal. Whippeee. It’s not like winning the World Series. I don’t get a ring, an extension on my contract, or a ticker-tape parade. (Is there still such a thing as ticker-tape parades?) It almost feels like a death. I feel like I am mourning the end of something that has become a very big part of my life. I accomplished this goal, and for what?
Of course, everyone keeps saying to me, “Will you continue to write?” Why yes, that is the plan. I have found a latent passion that I always knew I wanted to explore, and had I known how alive I feel when I write, I would have started a long, long time ago.
“Then why not continue every day?” some have asked.
Well, because as much as I have enjoyed this year of writing, it was hard. It was really, really hard. I found it difficult for weeks on end to find topics to write. I also found it very time-consuming. I had every intention of getting in shape this past year, but after working all day, running my daughters to their activities, and blogging, it always seemed so late, and I was too tired to want to do anything physical. The result of which has caused my muscles to atrophy. Then there were all of those days when I was literally booked from the moment I awoke until the moment I went to sleep. I still had to work in blogging. Once, I did wake up at 5AM to blog, but I was so tired by 2PM and still had so much left to do in my day, I swore I would never do that again. Most of the blogs on those chaotic days were either super short, super picturesque, or super awful.
My blogging new year’s eve has not arrived. I have six more posts, and then I need to think about what I will do from this point on. I know I will continue to write. It is my crack-coccaine. It keeps me sane and motivated and frankly, I feel like I have been my best in so many ways this past year (physical condition excluded, of course). Yet, I still feel sad. I don’t want to lose this magical feeling of working toward a goal. I don’t want to let life get in the way of writing, but I need more out of other aspects of my life. I need to learn to live more well-rounded and find a balance in 2013.
Happy New Year. Peace on Earth. Good Will To All!