Every sword has two edges. I am like every sword. Most of the time, I am not harmful, but if I am turned just the right way, I am sharp and cutting. Most people look at me as innocuous, and usually I am, but from time to time, I feel that something or someone is a personal affront to my belief system, and I slash.. It’s not pretty.
I’ll give you one example, and it is not even a horrible story.
A former roommate and good friend of mine moved to Pittsburgh a number of years ago. We were in a core group of friends. For a very long time, every time she came into town, we would all get a phone call or an email saying when she would be in, for how long, and an invitation to get together. Sometimes, she would stay at my house, other times, someone else’s.
Last year, I found out that she had started to come to town to visit only one of the core friends. She was not calling or visiting anyone else. To be honest, I felt slighted, and the more I let it stew, the more it aggravated me. A month later when I found out that it had happened yet again, I became unhinged. I was so infuriated that I called her cell phone. Unfortunately, she did not pick up. Instead of leaving a calm message asking for her to call me back, I unleashed.
(In a really good announcer’s voice): What you are about to hear is a fictionalized rant that is probably at least partially accurate. This tirade is rated R. If you are under the age of seventeen, you will need parental consent to go any further.
“Well, I guess we’re not friends anymore. What the fuck? All you can do is visit X? I fucking lived with you! I fucking listened to your woes, but suddenly I am dog shit? If you don’t have time for me than fine! I guess I will save a stamp at Christmas! I am obviously not good enough for you? Fuck off and good riddance!”
Thankfully, she knew me well enough to call back and talk me off the ledge. She knew me well enough to know that my turbulent philippic was driven by emotion. She explained why she had not been in touch (of course, the reason was more than valid), and she forgave me for my rant.
The reason I mention this at all, is because last night after an uncomfortable encounter with my extended family, I was feeling a little bit off. I had not addressed innuendos directed at me, and I was feeling a bit agitated. When I went to Freshly Pressed and saw What Makes a Post Freshly Press-able: There Is a Light That Never Goes Out and read the suggestions for getting Pressed, the imbalance in my cortex became weighed by negativity. I read through, thinking of multiple stories that I have written that fulfill their criteria, and by the end, I felt like I needed to be heard. I went directly to the comment box and wrote the following:
“Fuck off! I have written some amazing shit in 285 days– read it, and I have not been pressed. I am going to get published, and my OPEN LETTER TO YOU FP will still remain. I will talk about growth and yadayadayada, but that is all. I paid for this crap. I will still keep writing for the people. I will probably pay again, but I am disappointed in some of your FP compared to some of my posts. I know you will delete this! So, can I say again, FUCK OFF!”
They didn’t erase it.
Hmmm. Not my finest moment. I need to learn to think before I speak. Frankly, it’s just embarrassing to be such an asshole.