This story is true.  No one and no part of this story have been fictionalized to protect said parties of said story.

This story is told as a warning.  You DO NOT WANT TO TRY THIS AT HOME.

This morning, Tom and I were getting everybody ready for the weekend.  The girls and Linus are spending the weekend at our friend’s house; Tom and I are attending an out-of-town wedding, which is code for a wedding in downtown Cleveland, twenty minutes from where we live, but we got a hotel room and we are pretending it is farther away.

Tom, excited about the wedding, the new casino we will go to for the first time, or having a little reprieve from parenting, did the following:

Standing in the kitchen moments before we were ready to walk out the door, he said, “Does everyone have their swimsuits?”

In unison, “Yes.”

“Their pajamas?”


“Their toothbrushes?”


“Clothes for tomorrow?”


He waved his arm in one of those come-follow-me-out-the-door-ways and said, “Let’s roll, Bitches!”



Parenting Tip #37– You’re seven, nine, and twelve-year-old daughters probably shouldn’t be called bitches (well, at least not until their hormonal teenagers and they really are bitches).


12 thoughts on “Day 190: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME

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