Day 66: Preoccupied with Health

In every practical sense, I am a hypochondriac.  I try to keep this fact about myself in the closet; hidden with the dusty memories of wetting the bed until I was seven and not making the cheerleading squad the first year I tried out.  Even the majority of my closest, closest friends do not know this about me, but it is true.

As a hypochondriac, I self diagnose.  I have aches, pains, discomfort.  I know exactly what these pains mean, and I obsess over the fact that I am dying. In the last three months, I have diagnosed myself with the following diseases/issues:

1. I have been achy all over for about a week.  Granted, I have had a bad cold, sinus infection, and a terrible cough.  However, I haven’t run a fever, and I only get all-over aches and pain when I run a fever.  Diagnosis: bone cancer.

2. Since my parents passed away six years ago, I have intermittently gotten weird discomfort in my chest.  When life is super crazy and I feel like I do not have enough time to get everything done, it gets worse.  Sometimes, when I lie in bed at night and concentrate on the feeling, my arms start to tingle and my face feels numb.  Diagnosis: heart attack

3. I went through a period when I was really lazy about flossing.  For whatever reason, in a day, I was only willing to allot enough time to brush my teeth a few times a day.  Flossing seemed extraneous and time-consuming.  (You know, that extra minute really put my schedule off-kilter.)  After my last dentist appointment, I decided to start flossing every day again.  However, my gums started to bleed when I flossed.  Diagnosis: heart disease

4. I experienced some blood in my stool recently.  I had endured hemorrhoids during pregnancy, so I assumed it was the same condition.  But then I started to think about it.  Why would I have a flare up after all of these years?  I decided to go to WebMd to read about my symptoms.  Of course, it could only be the worst diagnosis possible: colon cancer.

And don’t even get me started about the brain tumor I experienced last summer!

To be honest, it is very stressful to have so many diseases and problems, and going to the doctor doesn’t help.  Right when I walk into the doctor’s office, my blood pressure goes up, my hands shake,  and I feel like I want to vomit.

The problem with having so many diseases is that I have a lot going on in my life. I really don’t have time to die right now.  Carson and Lizzie have a recital this June, and I will have a stockpile of costumes to mend; early this summer I need to repaint the girls’ room so that we can get them bunk beds; and I still have 300 blog posts to go.   Then there is the next few years: another trip to Disney, braces for the girls, a new roof on the garage.

I have too much to do and work for to let bone cancer, heart attacks, heart disease, and colon cancer get me down.  Of course, I do realize that my issues might be related to flu-like symptoms associated with my severe cold, stress and anxiety, weak gums that are strengthening again, and hemorrhoids (which recur in 95% of the people who have them).

Okay, so maybe it isn’t all that bad.   I guess I over think my issues and let my hypochondria get the best of me.  Oh well. I have a check-up in June, so I guess I will figure it all out; unless, of course, I contract scurvy or malaria before then!


3 thoughts on “Day 66: Preoccupied with Health

  1. Did you know that physical symptoms such as hemorrhoids and bleeding gums accompanied with hypocondria is an indicator of severe brain disfunction? Its true– my friend told me they heard from someone that they read that on the internet.

  2. seriously though, if you’re bleeding from both ends you should curb your social habits. No idea if that was appropriate or not but I couldn’t pass it up!

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