Day 43: The President of the United States

This morning, we decided to take the kids out for breakfast.  Everyone piled in the car, and we began our adventure to Creekside.  The three girls were in a very serious conversation over whether to eat pancakes or eggs, sausage or bacon when  Tom said, “Look.”  He was pointing at a Chevy Impala, which had American flags streaming on each side, attached to the car windows.  “It’s the President of the United States.”  He sounded like the Moviefone announcer.

“Really?  Where?”  Conversation about breakfast suddenly seemed arbitrary.  In a frenzy, the girls’ eyes darted, scanning the streets looking for a stretch limousine.

“Yeah Girls, really.  Barack Obama is pimp’en it in a Chevy Impala.”  His tone was a little too sardonic for my taste.

The girls were slightly let down, and so was I, but not for the same reasons.  I started to think about all the normal things one cannot do if he is the President of the United States.  Not only can Barack Obama not pimp it in a Chevy Impala, I don’t think he can drive at all.

I don’t think he walks into the kitchen of the White House, grabs the keys, and says to the Secret Serviceman at the door, “Yeah a, Bob, I need to run on up to Rite Aid.  It’s the wife’s time of the month and she forgot to ask for what she needs in the monthly delivery.  I’ll be back in a jiffy.”

Nor do I think he has the luxury to drop off Malia or Sasha at their ballet classes.  How fun it is to see the girls’ excitement each time they go to class.  This is where they create dreams; this is where they shine.  As the girls exit the car, he would say, “Have fun, Girls.  Love you.  See you in an hour.”

You’re probably thinking, but he has people.  Who doesn’t want people?  

I see your point.   I agree.  I want people. Sometimes I dream about having people, and it is usually when I am staring at the month’s daunting task calendar.  I actually cannot wait until Carson is sixteen; she will be my people.

Yet, I still do not want to give up the simple luxury of driving to run an errand, to drop the girls off somewhere, or to run through the Dairy Queen to grab a Heath Blizzard.

While at breakfast, I thought a lot about the President and all the simple joys of life he misses out on while attending State Dinners.  Here are a few:

1. Spending Friday night at the local bar, being coerced by Cherry Bombs to sing “Sweet Child of Mine” Karaoke-style.

2. Shoe shopping.  It is very important to try shoes on to make sure one gets the exact fit needed for the width and the arch of the foot, especially with any athletic shoe.  Adidas wear very differently than Nike, which wear differently than Reebok.  With a Harvard education, I do not think Barack Obama is seduced by slogans like “Nothing is Impossible” or “Just do It.”

3. I doubt he and his college buddies are hooking up once a year in Vegas and hitting the strip clubs: the yearly bonding trip of men who act like boys, men who now can afford something better than Fort Lauderdale and a couple of cases of Natty Light.

Wait, on second thought, I think Bill Clinton got away with this one.

4. After reading and enjoying the Twilight series, I doubt Barack Obama went to the midnight release at the local Cinemark, bought overpriced tickets, overpriced popcorn, and a soda so big you could park a boat in it.

5. Everyone likes a deal.  The Black Friday promise of a 43 inch plasma TV for $299.00!  Who wouldn’t want to stand in line at Best Buy for five hours to be one of the first ones through the door to score this little treasure!

6. Most importantly, the president is rarely left alone.  He travels with a slew of secret servicemen who have sworn to give their lives for his.  Will they give their reputation?  What about when he has to go, I mean really go.  The Mexican he and Michelle had for dinner last night isn’t sitting right, and he is on his way to Wyoming.  When the smell wafts through the door of the plane, does he own up, or does he blame Bob?  In our house, Tom blames Linus every time a smell lingers in the air.  Does the president blame Bob?

It’s the everyday normal life experiences I think I would miss if I were president.  I doubt he gives any of these items a second thought.  He never liked Karaoke; stylists bring him a slew of shoes to try on; he hasn’t seen his college buddies in years (you know, running the country takes up quite a bit of his time); if he really liked Twilight that much, he would get a private screening; and for God’s sake, he is the president, he does not have time for television (which is a shame, this season of Survivor is going to be a good one).

Oh and about Bob, he has some gastrointestinal problems he is dealing with.  We don’t like to talk about it.


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